Love Seat : Muses and Musings (round 1)

For those of you who follow my Sultry Saint Instagram page (@thesultrysaint) you already know what the Love Seat mini series is all about! If you don't, feel free to click the little Instagram icon at the top and do so now or after reading this post! Either way I'm gonna tell ya what it's all about! 😇

The Love Seat is a practice that I first encountered in my Youth Group days! Actually I believe by the time I heard of it and participated as the love seater, it was my senior year of high school on our senior trip! The second time, I participated as a non seater when I was an adult and on staff for that same youth group I attended as a teen. The third time I was a part of this practice was at my going away party in 2018 -- the week before I moved to China. It's a practice that I quickly realized was invaluable and has never left me. It truly left such a love print on my heart.

Here's what the love seat is all about: essentially there is a group of people (or can even do it with just 2 people) , 1 person (the love seater) sits in the middle, everyone else (the non seaters) gather around that person. Basically you start somewhere in the circle of non seaters and continue till everyone has spoken. The non seaters speak life, love, encouragement, adoration, admiration, appreciation, praise, compliments and so on over the love seater. Every kind, loving, and encouraging thought they may think about the person in the love seat is said during this practice. The love seater is essentially showered in goodness. Once everyone has said their piece, a new love seater takes the throne and it all begins again with that new person!

What an amazing and beautiful practice! Can I get an amen??

The heart behind the practice is to simply spread genuine love and pure kindness. Encouragement and appreciation in a higher form of consciousness. Often times we get so caught up in being our own worst critics! While it's so important to love yourself without the need for outside validation, it is such an immense gift to know that you are seen, heard, loved, and cherished. To be able to better see and love ourselves through the eyes of the people who love us most or even practical strangers who witness our journeys from afar in admiration! Just to tangibly see that who we are and what we do has a positive impact on others!

It has always been my nature to love deep and love loud. I've always been the kind of person to give genuine compliments and to be affectionate towards the people I care about and even strangers I admire. Sharing those intimate thoughts and feelings is a very raw and vulnerable practice. Something I never realized at first because it was just my nature! Life has taught me in a lot of ways to suppress that nature and has instead nurtured me towards caution in an attempt to protect my soft heart. Becoming quieter in the way I love is a life lesson that I learned a while ago that I am now actively unlearning! I think rejection is the number one reason one chooses not to share their intimate emotions even with people we are close to. At least for me that became the case over time. Either they didn't accept the love I had to give the way I could give it or they accepted it without appreciation or reciprocation leaving me feeling alone and unwanted. Anybody else felt that way? Ya me too, more times than I could count and it will probably continue to happen for that matter! But more powerful than the fear of rejection is the change in my heart posture which is this -- I will no longer allow the conditioned fear of rejection to dilute the flavor of my life and my love. I will stop getting lost in my own head and rather follow my nature because it feels right and it is right! Regardless of rejection, lack of reciprocation, fear of vulnerability and whatever other excuse my brain comes up with to try and protect my heart, none of it changes the nature in which I love a person so why should it change the nature in which I express my love for that person? The simple answer is that it shouldn't, and from now on -- it won't. Practicing this love seat ritual is one of the ways I am choosing to follow my nature and unlearn the parts of my nurture that aren't in alignment with that true and highest self.

Here's how I am practicing the love seat over social media since I can't be in person with so many of my loved ones. I explained the love seat to the saints I reached out to (and also made a post explaining it) and asked if they wanted to participate, then I asked my fellow Queens to send me a pic of themselves that I had permission to post on my Instagram first and then in this blog post. When I was ready, I posted one queen at a time and the caption expressed the many ways in which I see, love, and appreciate that person. I then invited anyone to leave, genuine, kind, and encouraging comments if they felt lead to do so.

Here are my first 4 love seaters from the last couple months! I will include the picture and I will copy and paste the caption I wrote from my Instagram posts! Please feel free to participate as a non seater and shower these Saints in love! If you would like to participate as a love seater, don't hesitate to reach out to me! I will be doing these posts as long (as I have a willing participant community) on my Instagram page and then every two months or so I will make posts like this that will include any adjustments, musings, wisdom gained, and of course -- the Queens on their Thrones!

Sultry Saint and Mexican Dancing Queen, Michelle

(direct quote copy and pasted from Instagram post)

"Our first Love Seat Queen @michellemora9 or as I affectionately call her, “Mi Michelada” 🇲🇽

Our friendship began in December of 2018. It was a friendship I never saw coming! We are both from the same city in Oregon yet we had never met until we had both moved to China to be English Teachers just a couple months apart! I tell you this so you may grasp just how much I truly appreciate her.

There are so many things I truly love about this gem! To name a few; she is incredibly kind even to her own detriment at times, she is extremely patient (something I admire greatly and aspire to grow in), she is a very open and loving person that you immediately feel comfortable with, she is incredibly trustworthy which is hard to come by, she is intuitive and trusts her judgment when it comes to others character, she genuinely cares about and actively cares for others through her actions, she has great work ethic and cares about what she does, she is clumsy and funny and so down to earth, she’s a great listener and supporter, and she is so open about intimate things most people shy away from!

I could literally go on for days just listing all the things I truly appreciate about her by Instagram only allows the captions to be so long 🤦🏽‍♀️

For 2 years Michelle was literally my only female friend here in China. It’s so easy for me to say and know with complete certainty that my life here would’ve have had a giant Michelle shaped hole in it had I never been blessed with knowing her.

From the times that we would sing Christian Nodal songs at the top of our lungs while dancing like maniacs in our house to the point our neighbors tell on us, to the times we experienced deep sadness and homesickness and just cried in each other arms — I am truly truly blessed to know this amazing woman. To have been a part of her life and to have her as a big part of mine.

Michelle, te quiero un chingo de verdad. You are truly such a special person and I love you for exactly who you are. In all your clumsiness, all your kindness, all your spicy-ness, and all your bravery in stepping out and doing hard and uncomfortable things! I admire all that you are. Te adoro." ️ #loveseat

Sultry Saint and Master Self Healer, Kristin

(direct quote from Instagram post)

"This lovely love seater will be getting 2 love seat posts [ended up being 3🙊] because 1. She’s just that great and 2. She has an exciting project I want to share with ya’ll! So part 1 will be her love seat and part 2 [and 3] will be her new project announcement! [spoiler, it's a blog!] 🏽

Sultry Saint and Master Self Healer, @kristins_ponderings !

A little backstory about our friendship: we met when I was 10 (and she about 13) as our families were besties. I spent many a summer at her house as kids but she was always a little older so we didn’t really connect as friends by choice. A couple thanksgivings spent together increased the personal bond a lot more but It actually wasn’t until I was 21 and had just come back from a traumatic experience, that we connected on a soul deep level and became each other’s confidants.

Kristin is honestly the best person anyone of us could ever have in their lives. Everyday she inspires me with her ability to heal, love deeply, understand empathetically, transcend her situational limitations, learn new perspectives openly and respectfully, meet people exactly where they’re at, and crack me up with her unapologetic honesty! Her hugs are literally therapeutic, her words constantly infuse those who hear them with encouragement and wisdom, she’s a super bomb cook, a nurturer at heart, and has the most profound ability to just see someone for exactly who they are and love them just as they are. A lot times we see ourselves in such harsh ways, Kristin helped me see myself as God sees me; beloved, valuable, and worthy of every good things.

Kristin, to say that I love you to the moon and back would be the biggest understatement of all time. You are truly such a special person to me. A true soul sister in the purest form. To me you are a mentor, a cheerleader, a confidant, a caregiver, a wise priestess (aka literally my therapist! 🙈) , a heaven sent guardian angel, a Goddess, and such a Queen!

A large chunk of the person I am today is because of the person you are and the beautiful life you showed me I was worth leading. Thank you doesn’t even begin to cover it but for now it will have to do. Thank you for all you’ve been, all you are, and all you will become." #loveseat

**special note: Kristin recently began her own blogging endeavor and it is truly something special. If you missed her love seat moment on my Insta be sure to check it out! There are three posts. One is her official love seat aka the one you see above, the second one is a picture of her homepage + a little insight, and the third is a less than 2 minute IGTV giving a sneak peak into her genius, walking you through her page and categories as well as sharing my fav post at the time! Go to my blog Insta to find and follow her and be sure to click the link below and be blessed! Don't forget to visit her contact page and subscribe to her page by filling in your email so you can stay up to date on her posts!

https://ashleyknows101.wixsite.com/kristinsponderings/home

Sultry Saint and Inspiring Adventurer, Janae

Goodness! Our friendship is an interesting one! We first met when we had the same Spanish class in high school (life time ago, can you believe it!?!) we shared the same interest in languages, cultures, traveling, and choir too! I remember we always got along and I always enjoyed our conversations but our friendship at the time never went past the school doors.

Fast forward to the year after I graduate and I go to the high school choir concert When I go up to congratulate Janae she immediately tells me that she has enrolled in a college program in the Philippines and will be moving there for 2 years after high school graduation! I remember her telling me that she was so excited to tell me that and was glad I came and that she got to tell me! ️

Fast forward again about 2 years this time. We see each other at the gym and immediately hug and begin talking as if no time has passed at all! I remember the day after we saw each other again I took a couple weeks off of social media and by the time I was back on it she had moved to China! What the even heck! I had wanted to get coffee and hear all about her life and what she’s up to so I reached out to her anyways and we sent a zillion messages back and forth. She inspired me to get out of my comfort zone and do the unheard of and to her I will always be grateful for the role she played at that crucial point in my journey.

Janae, you inspire me everyday. You are truly an incredible, kind, go getter boss lady and I love that about you so much! You pave your own path, you work hard, you lift others up in their journeys and you are an overcomer. You have overcome so many heartbreaking things that most people would never know by looking at the way you life your life. You don’t allow the tragedies of your past to taint to wonder of your future and that is not an easy task. I admire you, respect you, and I’m incredibly grateful to you for a million reasons. Thank you for not being quiet about who you are or what you want in your life! The world needs more women like you! I’ll always be your cheerleader my friend. ️ #loveseat

Sultry Saint and Chinese Bling Bling Queen, Bamboo🎋

#loveseat

Bamboo and I met in summer of 2020 and I immediately thought, “Holy cow she’s gorgeous!” and “She has such a welcoming energy!” Unfortunately our work schedules didn’t coincide at the time so our friendship didn’t truly begin to develop and blossom until late Autumn of 2020.

At that time I had finished my contract with my previous school and had plenty of time to kill while waiting for the paper work to go through the pipeline. It was an incredibly difficult transition that took much longer than most of us thought it would. Aka I really needed a friend. Little did I know Bamboo would be that friend and the person who inspired me in a million ways.

She is a person I look up to for so many reasons! 1. Her confidence. Bamboo is easily the most confident woman, just person, that I have ever met in my life! She knows who she is, she is comfortable standing in her power, she doesn’t make herself smaller to fit in a box others create for her. And the best part? She makes you feel all those things about yourself when you’re around her. 2. She’s an incredibly kind and generous person. Anytime I need help, she’s there. Any time I want to celebrate, she’s there. She is what I would describe as a pillar of the community, always giving back. 3. She’s hilarious every time I’m with her she makes me laugh and I’m a big believer in the medicine of laughter! 4. She is an inspirer and she leads by example. She’s constantly encouraging me to dance and to try new things. Actually she is a huge part of why I’m on this journey in dance therapy and in being more confident and grounded In my sensuality. She made it feel safe and I will never be able to express how incredibly special that is to me.

I could go on and on but I’ll run out of space, so I’ll say this: Bamboo, thank you for being different, thank you for showing up in the world with such a bright light that everyone’s gotta see it. Thank you for being generous with that light and spreading it wherever you go. Thank you for lifting people up and truly believing in them. Thank you for being talented and for sharing those talents. Wǒ ài nǐ la 💋

This process has been so special in so many ways! Not only do I get to show love and appreciation to those I care for but I get to share who they are with all the other people I care for. Genuine love and kindness goes such a long way!

In doing this practice it has really allowed me to slow down and really meditate on the person I'm writing about. I get to just sit there and think of the millions of ways that person is so special and special to me. This process of slowing down has really allowed me the time to reflect and genuinely appreciate the person in the love seat. I literally cried every single writing sesh I had for each person because they truly are such amazing people who mean more to me than my words could ever even begin to express.

Doing this practice has revived parts of my nature that my nurture neglected. I am excited to continue to do it and see how it positively benefits myself and others.

How are you sharing the love today? How are you leaning into your nature today?

blessing my dear saints!