Fetishism : Perfectly Ok or Seriously F*cked up?

I would like to preface this article by stating that I do not discriminate against fetishism -- as long as it isn't harming anyone and as long as all parties involved are enthusiastically consenting. My personal view on the subject is "to each their own", however, what I do not condone is the over-sexualization of the feminine form in particular and that is what this article is truly about. Of course with a lil' personal story to spice things up a bit! 😉

If you’re a person reading this and you yourself have a fetish, know that I am in no way judging or discriminating -- I hope you know that if you have a fetish, that’s is perfectly ok and that you are allowed to have your sexual preferences and feel safe without needing to be persecuted for them. ️At the end of the day what we all have in common is our humanity and never forgetting that is what really matters. ♥

So here's what this blog post entails :

- A personal anecdote -- aka very my recent encounter with a foot fetishist.

- A little insight into the oversexualization and objectification of women.

- A few potential responses you can keep in your arsenal in case of the unfortunate event in which you may be sexually harassed.

- The unfortunate fact that many of our personal experiences are often shared experiences with women all over the world.

- Powerful truths in regards to feminine forms, self expression, and sexuality.

- An invitation to share your story, connect with others with parallel stories, and an opportunity to speak out against things of this manner.

- A little chat about the difference between it being ok to have a fetish and being ok to sexually harass other human beings that may fit into that fetish.

- Oh, and some feet pics for good measure! 💃🏽

Let's get into it babes!

The over-sexualization of the feminine form needs to calm TF down immediately. Why? Fetishes aside sexual harassment is never ok. No matter the sexual preference at the end of the day respect for humanity is paramount. Stick around for story time for an in depth insight!

I posted a little boomerang on my 24 hour Instagram story where you could see my bare toes. The post was made with less than zero sexual connotation and was actually about my excitement about getting my first ever pedicure the next day. I shared the prep that I had done (removing nail polish and cuticle things) and that that small act of self care was actually incredibly monumental for me (blog post on those intuitive downloads coming soon -- so keep an eyes open for that gem!) A guy with a foot fetish jumped on that immediately making a request for a video of me scrunching my feet and showing closeups of the soles. Mind you, this is a complete stranger who slid into my dm's pretty much immediately asking for pictures of my feet a few days before -- to which I responded, "No, I don't do that kind of thing". He persisted asking specifically for pictures of the soles of my feet -- when I informed him yet again (probably for the 9th or 10th time -- I'm way too nice ya'll!😡) that I don’t do that sort of thing, he replied saying, “lol, your the one who just posted your soles” (yes he wrote "your" which makes him that much less likable! el oh el!😂) . As if it is my obligation to feed into his fetish since I'd made a completely innocent post that showed my feet --which he chose to sexualize. His perspective was that I had no problem showing my feet in my stories so why should I have a problem sending him pictures and videos of my feet? Essentially he felt entitled to my sexual attentions because in his eyes I was the one who had "caught" his sexual attentions. Simply because he felt sexually attracted to me, he expected me to enthusiastically reciprocate and when I did not -- he tried to turn it around and tried to make it my fault.

This sequence of events happens wwwaaaayyyy too often! This society teaches that the woman is the one to blame for attracting sexual attention, however unwanted and uninvited, and should she tell a man she wants nothing to do with him sexually then it is her not only her fault for attracting it to begin with but the sexual harassment she endures afterwards is also her fault. Load 👏🏽 of 👏🏽 CRAP! 👏🏽

To be honest, I really couldn’t care less that this guy had a foot fetish. While iI myself don't have a fetish I do consider myself sexually colorful being so it's really not about the specific fetish for me. Everyone’s sexual preference is their own. However what I do care about greatly and view as incredibly wrong is the expectation that simply because he propositioned me I should comply without thought. Almost like it was such a compliment that he would pay me sexual attentions and that I should be grateful and show that gratitude by immediately giving him exactly what he wants. News flash! A woman is not simply a series of sexually pleasing body parts and holes to stick it in! And just because she’s been propositioned does not mean she has to comply! Like, wtf?? What kind of entitlement was in raised in to believe that that shits ok?? There’s a part of me that has compassion for his potential upbringing and is sad that he was taught that dehumanizing women is ok -- and there’s another part of me that is righteously angry because by all standers he is a man capable of making his own decisions and descending right from wrong for his own self. And it was clear he knew he was doing something wrong since he deleted the messages so I couldn’t have proof and then blocked me! Had he done nothing wrong, he wouldn't have felt compelled to hide.

Let’s get one thing clear here. A woman can exist in her body and post whatever she wants -- simply existing in her body without it having to be turned around into something sexual. She can post whatever tf she wants and it doesn’t have to have anything to do with gaining the sexual male gaze or attention. She can express herself as an erotic, sensual being without it meaning that she is looking for approval from men or women who choose to objectify her. She can be a sexually liberated goddess and express herself freely without it being about the intention to be sexually appealing to others.

Like honestly — Fuck. If I can't post an innocent picture on a 24 hour story that just happens to show my feet without being immediately sexualized and objectified, somethings 👏🏽 not 👏🏽 right! 👏🏽 Not only that, but if there are people popping up in my dms trying to manipulate me into feeding into their fantasies simply because I exist and they choose to sexualize my existence, how tf am I ever supposed to feel safe in my own skin?? And if i am feeling this way, I know that millions of other women have felt or are feeling this way too! It is so heartbreaking to realize the harsh reality that so many women, often myself included, spend their lives feeling unsafe in their bodied because of predator's who attempt and often succeed in robbing a woman of her own sense of bodily autonomy and self-sovereignty.

I would also like to clearly point out that certain things that are viewed sexually to some, may not be viewed sexually to everyone. Myself for example, I have never seen my own feet or the feet of others as sexual, but because someone else has chosen to sexualize them I now have to deal with unhealed masculine's sexually harassing me just for existing.

Also to be clear, yet again, I am in no way persecuting those with different fetishes, whatever they may be. I believe that as long as all the parties involved are enthusiastically consenting and feel safe, then by all means. What I am saying is that it’s not ok to expect a human being to abide by someone's sexual preferences simply because this person may fit into that sexual preferences. No one owes anyone anything in regards to sexuality. Yet, some people feel that simply because this person fits their sexual preference that makes it ok to try to manipulate that person, obligate them, and shame them into submission. THIS IS NOT OK! Once a person asks and has been turned down, that needs to be the end of it. No means no. Persistence after being told no turns into sexual harassment and in some cases sexual assault and abuse. (I have a blog post called Let's Talk about Sexual Harassment and Abuse in which I conducted and shared the results of an anonymous survey with my community and speak on this topic in length. Feel free to read that when you finish this blog if you feel you'd like to have further resources on the subject of sexual harassment / assault / abuse.)

Further more, though I do not discriminate against sex workers — I AM NOT A SEX WORKER.

Just because I post something that someone may sexualize does not mean that I am taking “requests” in order to satisfy their objectification of me. Posting something for me just existing as myself in my body is not the same as taking “custom” photo and video “requests” in order to sexually please another person who attentions I never asked for.

Oh, and by the way, this person was supposedly a spiritual leader, and motivational speaker, preaching respect and enlightenment in his profession meanwhile personally objectifying women and making several inappropriate requests after repeatedly being told no. When I informed this guy that his persistence after being told no more than a handful of times had become classic sexual harassment, he didn’t like that and immediately deleted the messages he had sent and proceeded to block me. Good fucking riddance! ps. I forgot to mention the he went trolling though my feed and found the one picture i'd posted over a year ago that showed my feet and sent it to me. Again this was after I had already told his I would not be sending him any pictures of my feet! because I wouldn't send him anything specifically he cyberstalked me until he found something he wanted. Despicable and highly CREEPY!

Now, I don't know about you but upon experiencing these instances of complete disrespect and dehumanization, I have often been left speechless. Unable to defend myself because I either believed the lies and societal norms that should not at all be normal or because I just couldn't believe that a human being would speak to another human being in such a disgraceful way and I didn't know what to do about that. If you've ever been subjected to fetishism of any kind (certain body parts, ethnicity and so on) and like me, you didn't know what to say to the person propositioning you into something you don't want --- here are a couple things you can say:

- No.

- I do not feel comfortable with this topic of conversation and I don't want to talk about it.

- I am not interested in engaging in any type of sexual conversation with you and I will not repeat myself on the subject.

- I am not an object for you to sexualize and I will not tolerate a lack of respect for my humanity.

- I said I am not interested, if you cannot respect that, I will block you.

- I don't exist to feed into your fantasy or fetish.

- Just because you chose to sexualize me does not mean that I was trying to get your sexual attentions nor does it mean that I want anything to do with you sexually.

- I am free to exist in my body, express myself freely, and embody my sexuality without it being an invitation for sexually explicit conversation.

- I don't owe you anything.

- What I post, I post for me and it has nothing to do with you and never will.

- Just because I am a sexually liberated woman does not mean that I am looking for sexual male attention.

- I know my energy is magnetic and hard to resist but that is not excuse for you to shove your way into my energetic field and make sexual demands of me as if I owe you something, as if you’re entitled to access to me in that way or any way at all.

- If you continue to persist after I have told you no repeatedly that becomes sexual harassment.

- Sexual harassment is against the law and if you choose to proceed I will press charges.

( You can also choose to say nothing at all and report and block their asses immediately)

If your feeling a bit feistier you can say things like:

- I’m not here to feed your fetish. Period.

- Go away

- Piss off

- FUCK OFF!

- I'm reporting your account ( and feel free to share this persons account in your stories so that your friends h=can also report them for sexual harassment! Share screenshots to give a little extra umf if ya like!)

While a few of these are specific to unwanted cyber sexual solicitation and harassment, they can be adjusted to each situation as it may present itself.

I share all this in hopes to 1 - encourage you and let you know that you're not alone in this type of disrespect and 2 - provide you with some weapons in your arsenal of defense against this demonic-ass behavior. In my experience, which is an experience parallel to pretty much every woman I have spoken to in the subject — men don’t message strange women (strange as in I didn’t know you existed until literally two seconds ago) asking for pictures of certain body parts if it’s not about the male sexual gratification. Unhealed masculine's neglect to see the value of the divine feminine essence and rather than respecting it they objectify it. This has got to change. And, as much as we might wish we could change other people -- the reality is that we cannot. If we truly want to see a change take place in this world it begins with our own inner worlds.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences with this type of sexual harassment if you feel as though you would like to share. There is so much power in the sharing of stories and connecting to truths that are often much more common than we may initially think.

Also I would love to know any of your own suggested responses in the case of being sexually harassed cyber or otherwise. Feel free to let me know if you used any of the responses I provided and how that went for you. 😇

And you know what? You best believe I added some feet pics to this blog because no one gets to take from me my own sense of safety in my own skin. PERIOD! This is me taking my power back!

Goodness & Abundance 💋

ps. if you have a foot fetish -- you're welcome for the free pics -- DON'T COME AT ME FOR MORE! Thanks 😇